She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
organizing the empties. That sober.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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