I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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