is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
