she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
