my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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