if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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