Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
