did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
