So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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