so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
