4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
