dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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