He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
