I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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