i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
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Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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