hotel room ftw
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
