Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
