When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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