I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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