Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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