yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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