I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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