omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
