The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
