There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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