Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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