I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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