i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
