Texts From Last Night

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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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  (267): My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer http://tfl.nu/qmj6
  Replies (102) Good night (1358) Bad night (3778)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

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  (615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic
  Replies (3) Good night (2810) Bad night (876)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'

  (636): View more from Missouri

  HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!

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  (636): & he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut' (636): HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!! http://tfl.nu/1ay1
  Replies (14) Good night (1391) Bad night (3191)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  What's a "vodkaffle"?

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.

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  (208): What's a "vodkaffle"? (608): It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix. http://tfl.nu/84eu
  Replies (10) Good night (4174) Bad night (978)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

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  (703): Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution http://tfl.nu/2lwu
  Replies (6) Good night (3118) Bad night (980)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"

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  (832): You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you" http://tfl.nu/nnn7
  Replies (1) Good night (2438) Bad night (672)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.

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  (208): My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it. http://tfl.nu/um1e
  Replies (6) Good night (1550) Bad night (714)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.

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  (718): Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me. http://tfl.nu/u7k0
  Replies (7) Good night (1529) Bad night (600)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER

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  (613): NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER http://tfl.nu/1x2h
  Replies (10) Good night (442) Bad night (1292)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.

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  (239): I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night. http://tfl.nu/o908
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (317)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>

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  (443): so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.> http://tfl.nu/ipoz
  Replies (0) Good night (487) Bad night (1065)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer

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  (954): Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer http://tfl.nu/9id9
  Replies (3) Good night (881) Bad night (265)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.

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  (646): I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously. http://tfl.nu/f1wv
  Replies (1) Good night (244) Bad night (465)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment

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  (570): So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here (1-570): Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment http://tfl.nu/lwx4
  Replies (1) Good night (473) Bad night (232)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.

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  (845): Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus. http://tfl.nu/x306
  Replies (0) Good night (328) Bad night (831)

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