Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?