im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
