I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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