is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name