Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
