I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
