so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want her autograph on my taint
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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