Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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