Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
