at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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