My first STD was from a foam party
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
