New invention idea: vibrating tampons
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
