well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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