sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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