you guys were way drunker than both of me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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