3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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