Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
