I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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