He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
