I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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