It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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