those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Someone came in the potted fern
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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