You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
People in love make me want to vomit
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
