what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
