I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
