How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We need to rekindle our bromance
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
