i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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