Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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