A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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