if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
