I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
