i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
