the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
