Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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