So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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