Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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