ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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