i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
