so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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