White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
