It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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