we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
