you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
