It's like God shit irony all over that family
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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