Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
