I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
