you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
