So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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