I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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