once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
